JCPenney baffles me. It is the Prometheus of department stores. The audience can't tell if we're too smart for it or it's too smart for us. Here's what I mean.

The Dumb

We begin our story in November of 2011, with a young lad named Ron Johnson. Johnson was hired to lead JCPenney as CEO, replacing Mike Ullman who ran the company for seven years prior. The board of directors was apparently upset at Ullman for turning JCPenney into a department store that only old people wanted to shop at. Johnson, the young, former Apple SVP of retail operations was to come in and "cool" it up. Ullman was eventually fired.

In late January 2012, riding high on his Apple ego, Mr. Johnson announced a bold new vision for JCPenney. He proclaimed that the company was eliminating "sales" and replacing them with "everyday low pricing." According to Johnson "Pricing is actually a pretty simple and straightforward thing. Customers will not pay literally a penny more than the true value of the product."

JCPenney executives cheered the words of their new CEO Jesus and enacted the plan on February 1, 2012.

Here's what makes everyone here a bunch of disconnected idiots. It turns out old people love sales. Nothing gets their false teeth chattering more than flipping through the Sunday ValuePack and seeing something they don't need for 30 percent off. Guess who makes up most of JCPenney's customers? Grandma. Johnson was noted by colleagues to have a "disdain" for this traditional consumer base. He was given full reign to implement tactics meant specifically to drive out the old and bring in the new. Nothing wrong with that idea except Johnson wasn't exactly subtle about it.

In a matter of months, JCPenney went from this:

Click here to view the embedded video.

To... this.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The result? Old people stopped shopping at JCPenney. Younger people didn't show up as expected. The rest stayed far away.

Nothing makes customers happier than a "take it or leave it" sales approach.

JCPenney saw a 15 percent drop in sales in the first quarter, confusion from shoppers, and an alienated customer base. Johnson continued to commute to Plano, Texas from California on the company private jet, all while blaming the sales drop on the stupid, confused customers.

Overall, Johnson led a 25 percent sales drop and the lowest stock price in 12 years. One month ago, JCPenney finally fired Johnson. Who was chose to replace him? Former JCPenney CEO Mike Ullman. You know you screwed up big time when they rehire the guy you replaced 14 months ago.

The Smart

I say all of that makes JCPenney the dumbest company ever because it hired a guy who right off the bat said he hated the customer base. That's like inviting a guy to a party who says he hates the host. Your night's probably not going to end well.

So where's JCPenney's redemption story here? What makes the company so smart?

They apologized.

I'll preface my point with the following. If you work in business, marketing, or advertising, you live in a bubble where you see the moves companies make through the lens of your particular expertise. This is why no brands ever apologize. From a business, marketing, and PR perspective, it comes off as desperate, risky, and an admission of guilt. No Bueno.

However, if you're an average Joe consumer and your life does not revolve around your career, you live your life through a series of emotions.

This is what makes JCPenney's move so brilliant.

I have a feeling that after he was fired, Mike Ullman became one of the humans again. When he went back to the company, he held on to his humanity and valued it over his initial business instincts. That's what led to this move.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Instead of pretending the last year never happened, JCPenney decided to get real with consumers. By simply apologizing, they showed that the brand is vulnerable. Vulnerability is a human trait, and is easy to sympathize with. It shed the cold, corporate image people had in mind. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s very hard to apologize. But the people in your life who apologize are the ones who you’ll probably end up forgiving.

JCPenney realized this and took a post-Johnson stand which is very raw and honest, with a real admission of guilt. They want you back, and they know they screwed up.

More brands should act like this.

The Aftermath

JCPenney has since re-introduced sales. After the "We're Listening" campaign started, #jcpListens became a trending twitter topic. The "We're Listening" Facebook post has almost 60,000 likes and 20,000 comments. JCPenney has become more socially active than ever. JCPenny would have probably died by now if the company hadn't apologized. But it did, and customers are slowly coming back.

The brand still has a long way to go, but JCPenney couldn't be more on the right track. It performed an unbelievably fascinating year-long soap opera which should serve as an example of what not to do, and then what you should do as an established company in trouble.

Now that everything is behind it, JCPenney can begin focus on it's real problem; selling clothes that people actually want to wear.

As the theme of the event is "Mad Men + Math Men," there's no better way to sum up what has been learned here than to debunk some myths by the one and only mad man himself, Don Draper.

Myth: Data and creativity will never get along.

Myth: You can't effectively target on Facebook because there's too much data and Facebook doesn't know how to make sense of it all.

Myth: You don't need to step up your data analytics in order to improve sales or increase creative vision.

Myth: TV and digital are enemies. They will never be able to work seamlessly together for a common purpose.

Myth: You can embrace big data without understanding the human context behind it.

Myth: You completely understand programmatic buying. You're right in assuming we'll all be replaced by robots.

Myth: Your ability to manage cross platform campaigns is limited. Devices are too different for a consistent experience.

Myth: Native advertising is new, and we should all be worried about it.

Myth: The I/O will soon disappear as programmatic methods become more mainstream.

Myth: Marketers can't tell stories in six seconds, so forget about Vine.

Myth: The click-through rate is dead.

In case you're missing out, here are some pics from Resonate's excellently executed Texas-style welcome reception.

The event takes place at the beautiful Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort in Austin.

Of course, no Texas gathering would be complete without a good ol' game of horseshoes.

The traditional southern cuisine included quesos blanco nachos, tortilla soup, and slow roasted pork.

Obviously, nothing tops off a meal better than strawberry short cake.

Under the beautiful setting Texas sun, attendees enjoyed a variety of dark and light spirits (as well as fine beers).

No detail was left overlooked to remind us of the southern theme.

An open, yet intimate dinner environment made breaking the ice easy.

Texans take their liquor seriously.

Whether you were a first time attendee or a summit alumni, conversation was plentiful at this welcome reception.

The indoor/outdoor mix of environments was a perfect way to give attendees a low-pressure meeting place.

Finally, special thanks to Resonate Networks for their amazing welcome reception. It was a hit.

"It's really quite simple. Let's say that you want to run targeted creative to specific demographics on the Samsung Galaxy S III. This is going to be a different method than the LG Optimtus L9 4G Mobile or, of course, the Motorola RAZR Maxx HD Android, which only runs Intel Duel Core processor chips similar to the HTC Droid Incredible Verizon Android Smartphone and the Samsung Gusto II. Those are incompatible. Because of that, remember to ignore the operating systems used by the Omnia II 2 i920 and Samsung Reality SCH-U820/U370 Dual-Band Verizon Phone, as they will only confuse you. Your first step is to simply use the same application geo-targeting methods (minus Google Maps) as you would on the Galaxy Nexus 4G with 16GB Memory Mobile Phone, or clearly the LG VX9700 Dare Verizon and the LG Extravert Prepaid 271 mobile devices. Track cookies similar to how you would on the Nokia - Lumia 822 4G, LG - Lucid 4G, Verizon Samsung Galaxy S III 3 SCH-i535 and obvisouly the LG VX-11000 enV Touch, and you will achieve a mobile CTR very comparable to the LG VX10000 Voyager, LG VX11000 enV, and the HTC ADR6200VW Droid Eris CDMA Smartphone. This is obviously not applicable to Verizon or T-Mobile."

Fowler later added that he doesn't understand why digital marketers find mobile so confusing.

"Frankly, we thought our profits were going to tank after our huge patent infringement loss to Apple," Samsung President Dane Sonn explained, referring to the “Apple vs. Samsung” court ruling. “I mean, we literally got caught stealing from a direct competitor. What could be worst for business than that? But after a few months, we realized that our profits weren't shrinking, in fact, they were increasing! And actually, Apple was the one loosing market share. We were extremely excited. That's when we met Billy."

Mr. Frasier first met the Samsung executive team after getting caught copying his classmate's science fair project at Norwood Heights Elementary School. His stolen baking powder and vinegar volcano went on to completely win the competition.

"It looked cool. So I did the same thing too!" Billy obnoxiously explained when confronted by his fourth grade teacher.

That's when Samsung realized they had a prodigy on their hands.

After hearing about Billy's story, Samsung immediately called him and his parents to its world headquarters for a private meeting.

"When we realized that we could just keep stealing crap from Apple and people would continue to buy it, we knew that we needed an expert to come in and lead our marketing efforts," Samsung executive Steven O'reilly said. "We thought, f*** it. Who's more of an expert on stealing and lying than a 9-year-old boy?"

While Monday was officially Mr. Frasier’s first day, he has already crafted a multitude of bold and innovative marketing initiatives for Samsung, especially for combating fraud charges. These reportedly include a, "liar liar pants-on-fire!" defense, the “you're rubber and I'm glue” strategy, and the famous "Crybaby! Apple's a wittle crybaby!" public relations talking point. His groundbreaking ideas and career has been crafted after spending literally dozens of minutes in the industry.

Sources say Samsung executives have never been more impressed.

"We now have the dream team," Sonn continued, "With our criminally convicted business model of stealing from Apple, oblivious customers, and now the right person to finally lead our efforts, there's nothing we can't completely rip off!"

"We were worried for a while there that without Steve, we couldn't create groundbreaking and original technologies that would change the world," Apple CEO Tim Cook wrote in an email to media outlets. "But as you can see, I think we've done it."

It was feared by many in the Apple community that the passing of Steve Jobs signaled an end of Apple's innovation culture. As of recently, Apple has only garnered sales from updating existing devices like the iPhone and iPad. However, as soon as the first image of the new device was released, it was met with unbelievable excitement and celebration from consumers all around the world.

"I'm completely blown away," 21-year old Marcie Jenkins asserted when shown the iWatch. "I didn't think Apple would make anything truly inventive after Steve Jobs died. I just thought they were going to keep repackaging their old products and re-selling them as something new. The iPhone 4S, the iPhone 5, the iPad Mini...It looked like they were out of ideas. I've never been so happy to be proven wrong."

Zuckerberg's introduction of the new device was initially greeted with palpable excitement. Social media and various major news outlets lit up in a flurry of activity. As Zuckerberg described, the phone seamlessly incorporates everything Facebook related, from a Facebook home screen to multiple Facebook sub-applications to a Facebook Friend Finder which locates nearby Facebook friends via a network of newly launched Facebook satellites.

As the young CEO introduced the worlds most socially connected new device, a 43-year-old woman politely raised her hand and asked how to make a call on the new phone. The stage suddenly went silent as the crowd awaited a reply.

"A what?" Zuckerberg asked, swallowing hard.

Witnesses report that the tone of the event grew increasingly uncomfortable from that point on. As Zuckerberg attempted to continue with the unveiling, he was continuously interrupted with inquiries about how to make calls on the new phone.

"No...you see...you can Facebook message or Facebook Instant Chat with your friends on the Facebook Phone." Zuckerberg stuttered out as the crowd grew increasingly impatient. "You can write on your friend's timeline with the Facebook Timeline App or comment on status with the Status Updater App...so I really don't need to show you how to do that call thing, do I?" he remarked with an awkward chuckle.

A sweat-covered Zuckerberg then excused himself from stage as the crowd grew louder and more aggressive. As he quickly ran off, one reporter overheard the whispered comments from the backstage Facebook crew as they frantically tried to craft a response.

"Dude, what are they talking about?" muttered one panicked Facebook employee.

"What's a 'call? Is that like a text? Why do they all look so mad?" asked another in a muffled scream.

The unveiling event was then abruptly called off a mere five minutes after Zuckerberg's disappearance from stage. All reporters and audience members were politely asked to leave. The tone at Facebook headquarters is reportedly one of confusion and panic. Facebook issued statement a few hours ago to all media outlets regarding the situation.

"It has come to our attention that our newest product, the Facebook Phone, has been released without a major aspect that the device apparently should incorporate. Therefore, due to public demand, we are suspending the release of the new product until such a time when we can accommodate this desired feature."

Not since Apples redesigned "Apple Maps" has a company been forced into admitting such a shocking and embarrassing design flub right out of the gate.

Sources say Facebook has created a special task force to investigate how to redesign the phone to be able to make calls. This reportedly includes a team to research what a "service provider" is, a team tasked with designing a "send" and "end" call button, and an elite group of senior developers to put together a number pad with buttons ranging from nine to zero.

"Facebook is in uncharted waters and we know it," a spokeswoman stated in a hastily arranged press conference. "We ask for the public's patience and understanding as we investigate how to include the 'call feature' into our new phone device. It's unclear to us at this point if the technology even exists."

"We just didn't have the heart to tell them," a source at the IAB explained. "It's common sense here at the IAB that no normal person would consciously click on a banner. I don't believe we've had an intentional click by an everyday internet user since late 90s, and that one was for porn."

This shocking revelation stunned the ad world as digital marketers everywhere scrambled to prove their own clicks were from users who were actually interested in what was being advertised. The IAB has yet to receive reports that contradict its findings. Agencies everywhere have been forced into extremely difficult positions.

"Upon further investigation, we cannot verify a connection between our sales and any clicks we've received in the past ten years," an anonymous CMO regretfully admitted this week, his voice trailing off as he choked back tears. "I guess we've just been lying to ourselves that people on the internet want to click on ads they see online. Our business model was just too good to be true."

The stunning discovery was first investigated in August of 2007, when a Buzzfeed Ad Trafficker confronted a user about why he had clicked on several of its banners in one day. The company was hoping for a positive review on how seamlessly it integrates ads throughout its site.

"Oops," the 43 year old internet user blurted out, "Was that me? Sorry about that. I was just trying to click on more articles and missed."

An investigation promptly followed. A few months later, the testimony of several thousand supposed ad clickers was compiled to reveal that all of them were just trying to use a website and missed when attempting to click on links.

"They're [expletive] everywhere on most of my favorite sites", an anonymous Portland resident irately told a pollster. "It's almost impossible to surf the web these days without clicking on them. You'd have to be a [expletive] surgeon to go online and avoid those damn ads."

"Why would I click a banner?" asked a skeptical 22 year old internet user. "Are they even clickable? I honestly never notice them. Are you telling me people actually do that for a living?"

When asked if they ever bought anything from a banner they clicked, the response was largely greeted with condescending laugher.

"Are you kidding me," 51 year old Alan Rodriquez said. "I barely know how to use my JCPenny credit card. I just immediately close the new window and hope my computer doesn't have a virus"

It's a shocking revelation for a community obsessed with click-through rates and impressions. Industry professionals everywhere are absorbing the news slowly and painfully. Support groups have been formed in New York and Chicago to help digital marketers adapt to their harsh new reality.

"My whole career has been a lie," one senior level brand marketer muttered in group. "I've been bringing my boss these metrics for years, showing him the high CTRs and getting high praise all my adult life… I'll never be able to believe the phrase 'good job Peter' ever again". Our reporters were then politely asked to leave the room as he broke down in tears.

Sources say that marketers must now change their strategy to selling products that people actually need. It's a untested theory which psychologists are referring to as "helping society." Experts do not expect it to last.

This innovative move shocked and drew high praise from shareholders. The reaction on Wall Street has been increasingly amazing.

"How did we not see it before?" said one Wall Street executive. "All this time we thought Yahoo! was dying because they're a terrible search engine that no one wants to use. But it's so clear to us now that the real issue has been telecommuting."

Yahoo! has been struggling for many years to compete with Google. Experts have traditionally believed it's because Google offers a much better service in every single area.

However, with the market's reaction in the subsequent two weeks since Mayer's decision, she has once again proved why she is a business titan unlike any other. Yahoo!'s stock price has already risen an unprecedented $1.90 since the groundbreaking announcement.

The reaction from internet users has also been astounding.

"I use Yahoo! much more now," remarked Tyler Hammond, a 26 year old Los Angeles resident. "Knowing that they are working from an office adds a lot of comfort for me. It just, I dunno, feels right."

"I used to be a Google lover," said one western Cleveland resident. "However, when I found out that Google lets their employees work from home, I was outraged. I would rather use a sub-par search engine, hackable email service, and an ad cluttered homepage that at least understands the value of an office environment than one that doesn't."

Sources say that the reaction from Google headquarters has been increasingly uneasy. Employees are reportedly seen interacting with their telecommuting colleagues on strange devices called "webcams," and "smartphones." The mood is noticeably one of shame and regret.

Yahoo! employees are reportedly loving the new policy.

"It's about time someone did something about all this time I spend with my family," asserted one female Yahoo! employee who chose to remain anonymous. "I have two young kids who can't seem to leave me alone. My work from home days have been very distracting."

When asked if this move signals a lack of trust that management feels toward them, employees responded in overwhelming consensus. As one engineer put it:

"Yahoo! knows they can't trust me. I've been feeling extremely guilty about it. I'm happy that they've taken the necessary steps to keep me in line. Nothing makes me work harder than the vague fear that they think I'm lazy."

Even executives and sources close to Mayer have reported a personal elation with the creative new policy.

"I'm extremely encouraged that we finally have a CEO who understands that we all want to dedicate 100% of our lives to Yahoo!" an unnamed SVP remarked. "I suspect that this move will skyrocket moral and productivity. It's a real feeling of an 'elephant in the room' finally being talked about."

Following in Yahoo!'s footsteps, Best Buy has announced that they are also canceling work from home. The validation from this highly profitable and in no way failing electronics retailer is welcome news at Yahoo!.

Mayer's juggernaut of company saving ideas does not stop here. Sources have reported a whole list of innovative new policies in the works which will be announced in the coming weeks. These reportedly include 15 minute lunchtimes, a "use it or lose it" bathroom break protocol, and a 7am to 10pm workday.

"Marissa loves Yahoo! and her employees," a close friend of the CEO explained. "That's really what this is all about. She loves them so much that she just wants to be able to see them everyday. Marissa is very lonely."

Being a video summit, I can't really help myself. I've got video on the brain.

I ran around with my camera and snapped some random shots of our guests. If they were Disney-fied, here's who they would undoubtably transform into. Enjoy!

]]> http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/03/05/summit-attendees-and-their-disney-doppelgangers/feed/ 4 http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/03/04/pandora-delivers-best-opening-reception-speech-ive-ever-heard/ http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/03/04/pandora-delivers-best-opening-reception-speech-ive-ever-heard/#comments Mon, 04 Mar 2013 18:35:03 +0000 David Zaleski http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/?p=24622 ... Read more]]> Pandora kicked off the iMedia Video Summit with one of the  most impressive opening reception speeches I've ever heard.

The attendees enjoyed a delectable culinary experience consisting of a wide variety of cultural dinner selections. Everything from Chinese wontons to Italian gnocchi was on the menu for a crowd of hundreds in the beautiful seaside Terranea Resort. This Los Angeles based summit is focused on "TV Everywhere: The New Video Era." In a casual, yet incredibly articulate speech, a rep from Pandora was able to summarize the company's video advertising success model in an impressively succinct manner, eliciting full applause from the attendees by the end of the presentation. It's a reaction I've rarely witnessed from a crowd at an opening summit reception.

The tables at the opening reception were peppered with flyers branded with QR codes, all linking to a special Pandora channel that the company created for the iMedia Video Summit. I was surprised to find that the company chose not to link to its marketing site. Instead, Pandora chose to do something far more impactful --  have attendees experience its service in context to the event. Pandora eliminated the common sales pressure I usually see at sponsored receptions and encouraged us to simply enjoy its service. It made me like Pandora all that much more.

Pandora's sales technique, much like the service itself, is all about integration in a low pressure environment. The company doesn't step on any toes, and its promotion strategy at the summit further proves why the brand is so masterful at mixing into our everyday life experiences. Dick Clark once said, "Music is the soundtrack of our lives". If he were alive and at this summit, he would call Pandora the enablers of that soundtrack.

The rep from Pandora laid out the aspects of the company which make it an extremely attractive prospect for digital marketers to consider investing their advertising spend. Pandora primarily displays advertising when a listener changes a channel or rates a song. Ads are not displayed when the listener has minimized the window or has activated activities on the service which indicate they're enjoying a causal listening experience. This strategy has resulted in incredibly high engagement rates, because impressions are not lost on listeners who are not paying attention.

It's an approach to advertising that can't help but remind us of the Crackle approach to advertising. By delivering ads seamlessly into their services and to users who are active participants, both companies have shown that engagement rates are directly affected by the honesty and transparency you give the consumer.

I wouldn't be surprised if Pandora emerges from this event with extremely strong relationships, business prospects, and advertising opportunities. The company set a bar for what you can communicate about your brand based simply off Pandora's excellently executed opening reception sponsorship.

If you're an executive, you've probably spent a healthy amount of time worrying about losing your job. Here are some people who got the surprise boot for the most ridiculous, offensive, and outrageous reasons you'll ever hear.

Don't be one of them.

9. Fired mistaking Ash Wednesday cross for a smudge

On Wednesday, February 25, Mike Murray came into work as usual at the New York Palace Hotel, sporting this familiar religious symbol on his forehead.

Delightful.

Yep, that particular Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. A day when Catholics wear the symbolic ash cross as a reminder of their own mortality.

But then...

Bum Bum Buuumm!

In walked old man Niklaus Leuenberger.

Leuenberger had apparently recently realized that he was a boring old man, and it seemed the 13-year-old boy inside of him wasn't too happy about it. Leuenberger also just happened to be Murray's boss.

Upon seeing the ash on Murray's youthful forehead, he shouted, "Wipe that f***g s**t off your face!"

Did I mention the New York Palace Hotel leases its land from the Catholic Church?

Yeah.

Eight days later, the CEO himself very publicly fired Leuenberger. Leuenberger uses his now copious free time to get more familiar with the Bible.

8. Fired for slapping a baby

OK, be honest. Who hasn't fantasized about slapping a crying baby on a plane?

Just me? Oh, OK.

Well regardless, business executive Joe Rickey Hundley took it one step further by actually hitting a crying toddler during his Delta flight.

Now, to be fair, I've flown Delta too. You get edgy on those planes.

But Mr. Hundley was apparently beyond aggravated. He turned to the mother of the kid and screamed, "Shut that (N-word) baby up!” right before laying it out.

The 60 year old was promptly suspended from his job and is facing federal charges. An experience that changed him from looking like this:

To this:

in a matter of days.

I'm not sure what it is about mug shots that make old men look like Jerry Sandusky, but it's pretty shocking.

By the way, what did Mr. Hundley ironically do for a living?

He worked on Defense.

Thanks to Hundley, sounds like that's what the kid will do too.

7. Fired for big breasts

Now things are getting sexy.

Amy-Erin Blakely, a 43-year-old executive, was apparently fired for having, what her boss described as "distracting breasts" like these.

Here are a couple comments that her Tourette's afflicted senior manager made during the course of her employment:

"You have very large breasts, so does my wife, and I have talked to her about you and your breasts." -Sleazebag

"You should wear loose-fitting clothes or try to hide your breasts because they are too distracting." - Idiot Sleazebag

Comments that drew the same response from every American female.

Blakely filed a lawsuit in 2010 against her former employer. She reportedly was just glad to get it off her chest.

6. Fired for keeping a journal about not working

Journals are an excellent way to express yourself. Especially if you hate your job.

As did Emmalee Baue, a Sales Coordinator at the Sheraton Hotel Company.

Apparently, Emmalee did the majority of her coordinating with the nouns and verbs between the gold edged pages of her weathered journal.

Upon noticing this, her boss politely told her to stop writing the journal and get back to work. Emmalee obliged, and began writing her journal on her company computer instead.

Emmalee didn't like being told what to do by, you know, her boss. So she began writing a 300 page, single-spaced entry on what she does to avoid work. She hopped one day it would be published as a book.

Let's look at some actual entries from Emmalee.

"This typing thing seems to be doing the trick, it just looks like I am hard at work on something very important."

"I am only here for the money and, lately, for the printer access."

"I can shop online, play games, and read message boards and still get paid for it."

Well, you can pretty much guess the bosses reaction when he inevitably came across the writings open on her computer.

Personally, I would have fired her for having a pretentious way of spelling the name, "Emily"

Emmalee.

Seriously, what kind of mom does that?

5. Fired for Facebooking on a sick day

Facebook is really good at destroying marriages and friendships. Especially with that "seen at" feature for their messages. Can't a guy ignore people anymore?

Well it turns out that Facebook is also good at destroying careers.

A woman (who remains unidentified) called her boss at Nationale Suisse, a Swiss Insurance company. She told him that her migraine was so bad that she needed to stay in a dark room away from the light of a computer screen.

I've had migraines. They're tough. And so had the boss. He completely sympathized and let her take the sick day.

A few minutes later, her boss noticed something odd. His "too sick for computers" employee was posting on Facebook.

Well, the Swiss are a sharp people. He immediately put two and two together and realized she was lying her butt off.  She was fired the following day. The company issued a statement.

“This abuse of trust, rather than the activity on Facebook, led to the ending of the work contract.”

The Swiss, of all people, should know to "watch" who they add on Facebook.

Swiss "watch," get it? Haha.

4. Fired for lying on resume. Oh yeah, and he was the Yahoo! CEO

George Lazenby, the 2nd James Bond, basically lied his way to getting the part. He made up names of agents, managers, and films he had acted in all over the world. None of it was true, but it got him the role. That was pretty James Bond of him.

This is not.

Yahoo! CEO Scott Thompson, pictured here doing his best Ed Helms impression,

was hired in 2012 as the new chief executive at the struggling search engine.

What happened next is baffling. It was discovered that he falsely claimed a computer science degree on his resume. The Yahoo! board of directors promptly met and decided to give Thompson the boot.

How did they discover the error? I'm sure they Googled it.

This seems like a good time to share with you the best meme I've seen about Yahoo!'s failed business strategy. Click here. Trust me, it's worth it.

3. Fired for emailing in ALL CAPS

YEP, APPARENTLY THIS CAN HAPPEN. VICKI WALKER, A NEW ZEALAND ACCOUNTANT WAS FIRED FROM HER JOB AT PROCARE FOR SENDING ANGRY EMAILS WITH WORDS IN BOLD RED CAPITAL LETTERS.

ProCare claimed that Walker had “caused disharmony in the workplace by using block capitals, bold typeface and red text in her emails.”

Should Walker have been fired for that? No, and the New Zealand Employment Relations Authority agreed, awarding her $12,000 for unfair dismissal.

Is she guilty of being a bit of an email jerk? YES.

2. Fired for wearing orange to work

Remember that thing in the constitution that allows us to peacefully assemble? It applies to color coordination too.

Eight employees of the Elizabeth R. Wellborn law firm were fired on March 16, 2012 for wearing orange on a one particular day. A Friday.

Management thought they were all wearing orange to protest work conditions, and told them, "they should pack their things and leave."

Turns out that they were wearing orange on payday because a bunch of them were going to go out to a bar after work and wanted to stand out.

Management fail.

The employees immediately filed a federal complaint.

Here's a tip: If your company gets so paranoid toward chromatically matching employees, you probably should take a second look at your company culture.

Orange you glad I didn't make a joke?

1. Fired for creating Apple Maps

Yep. I can't talk about this subject without mentioning the most well-known and unbelievable example of a shocking fire. If you were lucky enough to use Apple Maps and lived, you know what I'm talking about.

First, Steve Jobs tragically dies.

Leaving the worlds most popular computer company to move on without its genius. They pull up their bootstraps, work hard, and finally release their first big device: The iPhone 5.

You got to imagine angels singing with that beauty.

Steve Jobs looks down from heaven as happy as can be.

Then something odd started to happen. People navigating to the freeway were ending up at strip malls. Teenagers trying to find the closest Del Taco were ending up at Arbys. Australians trying to find the city were ending up in the middle of the desert. The world was in chaos.

Apple Maps was a piece of Apple craps.

Yep. The most anticipated post-Jobs device, and Apples most anticipated new application, was designed by Richard Williamson, Vice President of iOS Services.

Highlights of the new app, which replaced Google Maps on the iPhone are:

1) Glitchy images, like this!

Whee! I feel like I'm back in my sophomore year of college after a fun night at the Jamaican bar.

2) Horrible directions. Like this screen shot, which shows the city of Mildura as being located in the middle of Murray Sunset National Park.

3. The lack of public transit information. News which really upset more than a few trains.

Put that all together, and what do you get? A nice fat pink slip for good ol' Richard Williamson. Nothing makes a CEO happier than having to tell his customer to use competitors apps because you screwed up so bad.

Conclusion

I think all these examples prove one thing: You are completely secure in your job and don't have a thing to worry about.

So get back to work and go get em' champ.

]]> http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/02/26/9-shocking-and-hysterical-ways-these-execs-got-fired/feed/ 0 http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/02/19/why-one-word-totally-ruined-this-commercial/ http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/02/19/why-one-word-totally-ruined-this-commercial/#comments Tue, 19 Feb 2013 13:00:14 +0000 David Zaleski http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/?p=24044 ... Read more]]> I have a bone to pick with this Super Bowl commercial.

In case you missed it, KIA decided to drop between $4-8 million on a 1:16 minute ad which aired during Super Bowl XLVII. It probably had the most special effects, production value, and highest quality of any commercial that ran that day.

And in my opinion, KIA decided to completely ruin it all at 1:02.

Watch and see if you can tell what I'm talking about:

Click here to view the embedded video.

The word little Jimmy was about to say before Harry Potter cut him off was, "sex."

Advertisers have been doing this for a while. They cut off a vaguely risqué punch line in a commercial for dramatic effect. Sometimes it works, like in this Jack in the Box commercial that ran during the same Super Bowl.

Click here to view the embedded video.

This commercial made me and everyone around me laugh a lot.

Here's why KIA's didn't.

The people who made the KIA commercial must have been confused. They must have thought this was going to play during the Westminster Dog Show, with this crowd watching:

Grandma sure would have gotten a hearty, gut-busting laugh from that ending. Mom and Dad would have looked at each other like, "Oh dear!" Little Sally and Pete would have given a face like:

Then, they all would have let out a loud chuckle and proceeded to The Olive Garden for family breadstick night. They do it every Tuesday before "The Honeymooners" and President Eisenhower delivers his State of the Union.

Unfortunately for KIA, here's who was actually watching the Super Bowl.

I know because I'm one of them.

Yes, of course, there were some families watching the game, but c'mon. 99.99999999999

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999993% of them were grown men screaming at their TV.

I was in a room (a big room) full of these people when this commercial came on. You know how many laughed when this commercial's "punch line" arrived?

Zero.

And thanks to the special effects in the opening of the ad, they were watching it very closely too.

In fact, the silence was so deafening that I could hear all the men in America sigh under their breath as they munched on their chicken wings.

Personally, I was really into this commercial when it started. The effects are great, the concept is simple and clean, and the way it's produced is fantastic.

However, the commercial slammed on the brakes just when it was about to get really, really funny.

If this commercial had just said the word, "sex," I promise that everyone in that room would have exploded into laughter, especially if they cut back to this guy:

They would have had to rewrite the ending to promote the car, but I think a laugh was what they were going for.

I'm not a marketer. I'm not an expert. I don't know much. But what I do know is that I like mustard on my sandwiches. I like football. And because this ad ran during the Super Bowl, I'm assuming I was the target demographic for this commercial.

Everyone else in the room and I just pinched the bridge of our noses.

In fact, I conducted an extensive scientific study on the effect this had on football-watching men by calling by dad and asking.

Maybe I've got this wrong. Maybe KIA wanted to keep the commercial clean to be consistent with the wholesome, family tone of the Super Bowl. Let's look at some of these other hearty, family friendly moments.

Not to mention this Go Daddy ad which ran right before KIA's.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Again, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this was not the intended audience:

The ultimate irony here is that KIA spent $4-8 million dollars, hundreds of hours of production, countless computers, editors, motion graphics artists, visual effects artists, special effects artists, sound mixers, composers, and marketers to ultimately create a comedy commercial that made no one laugh.

And you know what? They were one word away.

My point is that when the audience is right…

just go ahead and finish the punch line. I probably would have bought a KIA.

]]> http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/02/19/why-one-word-totally-ruined-this-commercial/feed/ 5 http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/02/08/the-absolute-worst-brand-page-on-facebook/ http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/blog/2013/02/08/the-absolute-worst-brand-page-on-facebook/#comments Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:05:20 +0000 David Zaleski http://blogs.imediaconnection.com/?p=23786 ... Read more]]> Ever wonder what the worst brand page on Facebook looks like? Well, I found it, and I don't even know where to begin.

Wait, yes I do.

If you're looking for an example of how not to create a page for your brand, look no further than:

Yes, that's right. Grey Poupon Mustard.

This Facebook page makes me so mad I can't even believe I'm getting this emotional about a condiment. I don't know how this perfectly good product ended up with a Facebook page that is run like a poorly written episode of "Dukes of Hazard" mixed with the cast of "Downton Abby."

First, I'd like to say that I grew up with Grey Poupon. I loves me that stuffs. It's a fine mustard and compliments the ordinary turkey or ham sandwich very well, especially on a bright sunny day when having a picnic in the park with your honey, (girlfriend or wife, although depending on how much you like Kraft they make a honey too).

I grew up with the perception that this was a high-class product. Sophisticated, elegant, and refined. It spreads very easily on any slice of bread, accenting it's smooth texture and highlighting it's topnotch quality.

So, when I went to their website, everything fit perfectly.

Ah, the simple refinement of Grey Poupon. Classy. Stylish. Delicious.

Now, here's the kickin' good time you get when you click on their Facebook page:

Here's why this makes me mad.

I'm going to ignore the whole "Apply to be a member" stuff because there's just too much to chew on there. I'm writing this on an airplane, and if I get too worked up I might open the the exit door and let myself be sucked out. My last words would be, Pouponnnn...

What does bother me is that a mustard company called "Grey Poupon" decided to throw in a fart joke right in their cover picture.

Say the words "Grey Poupon" slowly to yourself. Yeah. I don't think this is a product that should be dabbling in fart humor. When I first came to this page and read that, it made me want to Poupon my computer.

OK, maybe they were going for the other meaning of "cut the mustard," but growing up, this was always a fart thing.

Nothing bothers me more than a brand that tries to be funny and fails. You'll also notice that they pulled out the fancy font for their lettering. Obama-esque typeface for the title, cheesy gold borders on the edges, and only the finest italics for the Times New Roman tagline.

Check out those gold frames on the pictures too.

Wow. To quote "The Social Network," "I need a second to let the classiness waft over me." Wait! Stop! I can't think about wafting right now. I'm too grossed out!

Let's move on to some posts.

First, they've decided to give their members, fans, whatevers some recipes to work the product into. Not uncommon for food brands. Let's see how they go about it:

Right away I can smell the Polident on the 63 year-old guy they got to manage this page. Who says, "Select LIKE" on Facebook? Dude, it's just "Like." Just ask them to like it. Or better yet, don't. How about letting your members, fans, whatevers decide what they like on your page. I tried to find the LIKE button, but all I could find was the Like button. I'm lost.

The second thing is that whole sentence and the way it's worded. Hey gramps, let me introduce you to a friend of mine.

It's called a comma. Use it. It's your friend. Especially when breaking up a sentence that uses the word "bowl" twice - two words apart -with two different meanings.

To top it all off, my subconscious is treated to a picture of the finished meal that must have been taken by a first generation LG camera phone.

The fact that this page has 58,672 members, fans, whatevers and this post has only 20 likes, makes me personally depressed.

But I don't mean to Poupon.

Hey look, here's another one:

First of all, Dijon is city in France. And "passes through suitors"? What are your fans, ghosts? As far as I can tell, this post is asking me if I walk through French cities like a spirit frightening good looking single men.

And again, the "like" ratio on this post makes me want to push the call button for a flight attendant and complain.

Let's move on and take a look at their info page.

Wow. Look at all those links to where we can find more information about the product and other related Kraft food brands. This whole thing comes off as a passive-aggressive soliloquy to combat internet trolls. Also notice how they break character in this section, going from this:

To... this..

I'm not an actor, but if you're going to create a fan page completely centered around an annoying highfalutin persona, at least be consistent.

In Grey Poupon's defense, (a sentence I have to force out of me), their fans/members are no prize either. Let's meet a few:

Alright, we get it. It's a snowbank. Jeez. This reminds me of a certain movie I once saw.

The people on this page buy into this weird world created by Grey Poupon. Here's another one:

Um... OK.

Look, I think it's fine that they've created a community where people come here and role play. There are many places on the internet that do that. It's just that those places have nothing to do with food. Well, some do.

Let's compare Grey Poupon to another mustard brand with a Facebook page, French's Mustard.

Family. Wholesome moments. Love. Community. That's what food should be about. Meals are a way for us to come together and enjoy each other's company. It's about warm moments like this:

Not this:

It's more about this:

And less about this:

More about this:

And not so much about this:

When you create a brand image centered around exclusivity, you inevitably exclude people. That's not what a food is about. It's about coming together. Whether you're a mustard, ketchup, or a brand of ground beef, food is love. We eat with people we love. We don't ask them for their membership card.

I leave you now with some fine advice from a fantastic product, which in my opinion should rethink its Facebook strategy.

I'd never heard of HMV before, but I certainly know them now. And it's not because they're an awesome company. It's because they fired 60 employees, and a few minutes later those employees took to Twitter on the company account.

It was beautiful. Not because people got fired, but because it really showed the world we now live in.

Here's a taste of their Twitter activity before the mass firing:

Pretty nice huh? I especially like Emma's input. She's super super excited. HMV broke news that made her the MOST HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!!! What a nice company. That's the power of HMV baby.

As mentioned before, I had never heard of this company. I didn't have an opinion, idea, anything really. I thought about them as much as I thought about the next season of Teen Mom. Not at all.

So what was it that shaped my entire view of this place? Angry tweets from irate employees. Here's how it went down:

It began on January 31, when 60 employees were taken into a room and fired all at once.

As they left the HR office, one of the victims decided, screw it. It's social media time, and with an unnecessary number of punctuation marks!!!

It continued...

The mood and atmosphere was well set with that. Well done Hemingway

You can't handle the truth

Adding, #holysh%#,thepeasantsarerevolting

And finally my favorite...

Classic.

HMV's Twitter followers shot up by 10,000 in a few hours.

Think that's a good thing? Think again. Eventually, corporate re-gained control of the hostage situation and issued some appology tweets. Here's the response from some of their new "fans":

Had enough? Nah, there's more.

And then the trolls had enough and stopped.

Did I say stopped? I meant kept going.

With just a few tweets, HMV was able to go from an ordinary company to a nationally hated business. So much so that they haven't tweeted since. Before this incident, they were averaging 5 tweets a day.

I now follow them for the same reason I follow Donald Trump. I didn't realize their tweets could be so juicy.

The lesson here is not, "Don't fire employees". It's don't take social media for granted. And for god sakes, make sure your marketing director knows how to use Twitter. This isn't 1990 anymore where it takes a huge corporate scandal to bring you down. People are just waiting for any meme, post, tweet or picture to demonize you and your business.

In summary, Twitter helped HMV go from this:

To this:

In just a couple hours.

That's the power of Twitter baby.

I think the best advice from this incident can be summed up by the final response tweet from one of HMV's new valued followers:

The big question is, how are consumers adopting these innovations and what does this mean for marketers? It's tempting to take advice from everyone when it comes to understanding new digital trends. David Berkowitz has a different approach. According to him, you need to understand what does not matter, as much as what does. Only when you are aware of the shiny objects you can ignore, will you be better equipped to do your job as a digital marketer more effectively in this emerging landscape.

David recently attended CES 2013, with any eye fixed toward finding the game-changing innovations that marketers need to know. By researching current digital trends and seeking out new technologies that will empower them to grow, he discovered some unprecedented devices that will define the future of the digital environment. David brought his footage back to share with the iMedia Brand Summit community on day two of the event.

Join David in this exclusive video as he explores the floor at CES and shows us some amazing innovations that will shape the digital marketing landscape. From smart cars, to internet refrigerators, David gives us an intimate look at the future of technology and how it will change the way you do business. You wont believe some of the things he discovered.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sponsored by TubeMogul, the welcome reception and Super Bowl party at the iMedia Brand Summit was amazing. Whether you were from the east or west coast, the atmosphere was saturated with cheers, laughter and overwhelming energy.

In the end, the Baltimore Ravens would take home the trophy, and more than a few attendees left hanging their heads, (followed by an equal amount jumping for joy). Check out some of the images captured during the action at this awesome event.

The game was projected on three huge screens

TubeMogul sponsored the fun event and handed out prizes throughout the night. Visit their website here

A table of attendees watch intently, two plays before the Ravens second touchdown

The venue had a great tailgate theme, TubeMogul brought in two huge Ford F-250 Super Duty trucks to keep the drinks cold

The party was a fun way to connect early into the summit

The best tables were up front

The stage was set for some awesome prizes throughout the night

Of course, both the attendees and the NFL announcers were baffled by the 30 minute Superdome mid-game blackout

The food was amazing, everything from pulled pork, nachos and seafood ceviche

A wide shot of the hall. Over 150 attendees watched the game last night at the iMedia Brand Summit