Humor Opinions

Google Glass is the stupidest invention ever

Posted by David Zaleski on June 10th, 2013 at 9:17 am

I'm a big "Twilight Zone" fan. Some of the best episodes take place in the future. The most fun part about them is watching how 1950s writers, costume designers, and set decorators predicted what life would be like in the new millennium. Apparently in the future, we all wear generic, uncomfortable clothing,

sit in backless chairs,

and take orders from leftover set pieces from "Lost in Space."

But the one thing I've never seen in a "Twilight Zone" is a society wearing futuristic headgear. Even B-grade science fiction writers of the '50s knew that people would never walk around with technological crap on their faces. It's remarkable because for some reason, Google has decided that this is the future.

Here's why Google is wrong.

First of all, they look really stupid. Second of all, they look really, really stupid. Third of all, they look really, really, really stupid. Fourth of all, they don't look not-stupid. And finally, they look the opposite of good.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet is how stupid they look visually. They look quite stupid, especially when seen by eyes.

I'm not the only one with this opinion. According to The Institute of The Stupid and Silly Technological Undertakings People Invest Dollars, or, I.T.S.S.T.U.P.I.D, Google Glass looks incredibly stupid, especially when worn on the face. Glasses with no lenses and two little arcs on the nose to hold it in place only to accommodate a tiny window on the right eye look universally stupid.

A recent  Rackspace and the University of London’s Goldsmiths’ College study found that 40 percent of the U.S. population will not buy Google Glass when it comes out because, you guessed it, they think it looks stupid. 38 percent said they were undecided because they're not sure just how stupid it will look. They think it might not look stupid, but we all know it will look very stupid.

That means that only 22 percent of the U.S. population will buy Google Glass when it's released this fall. These people represent a select demographic in America known as "people too ugly to be afraid to look stupid." But it doesn't take away from the fact that they will still look stupid.

I'm sorry, I know I've been saying Google Glass looks stupid for like four paragraphs now, so I'll talk about more reasons people won't buy it.

One big reason that may be overlooked by most surveys and focus groups is that at the end of the day, people perceive Google Glass as looking pretty damn stupid. Let's not understate how stupid these glasses look. They also look idiotic.

Finally, Google Glass will not catch on because they cost $1,500 each, don't do anything useful, will be awkward to wear, and do not blend seamlessly in peoples daily digital experience.

That, and they also look really f***ing stupid.

6 Responses to “Google Glass is the stupidest invention ever”

  1. Pete993 says:

    Well hello there. I couldn't help but notice you've posted this report of your opinion of Google Glass. I also noticed you had a point in your article. It was subtle but I think I got the idea that you think Google Glass looks stupid. And I just wanted to take the time to tell you that I think that not only is your article stupid, but I think you are stupid. I also think that you're stupid, not very smart, unintelligent, and an overall dumbass. For that matter, I also believe that you are very stupid. Just really stupid. And that your stupidity is especially apparent when you write and speak. Also, I don't think I mentioned this yet, but you're pretty dumb too.

    This. This is what you did. My argument has no substance, no point other than your being stupid, just like your article has no real point other than Google Glass looks stupid. And while I can appreciate the satire that you have obviously tried to use, in all honesty it really does make you look stupid. As in you can't articulate yourself any better than to repeat the same thing over and over. While I can acknowledge your opinion of how it looks, I am of a different opinion, and repeating yourself does nothing to make me more inclined to agree with you. Additionally, your comment about the 22% being too ugly to care doesn't help your case much either. It's just rude and stupid.

    Finally, Glass will not cost $1500, it will be more like $300-$500. Developers are still developing apps for it, hence it's limited usefulness (think iPhone before App Store). And the version currently out is JUST A PROTOTYPE, so not only will the final version fix those two issues of price and usefulness, it will also not look quite as stupid as you obviously are. That is all.

  2. Olennex says:

    Is this truly an article? David, I think that writing articles is your strong point. I think writing in general. You should do something more with your life than trying to be the internets biggest troll. Shopping mall janitor, car wash attendant or a politician. Intact politician would probably be best given your vocabulary is identical to politicians

  3. You do not know the difference between Lost in Space (an old children's Sci-Fi show) and Forbidden Planet (a Sci-Fi Classic Movie). That robot is Robby from Forbidden Planet, not the one in Lost in Space.

    • David Zaleski says:

      Thanks Keith, it's actually a screen shot from the Twilight Zone episode titled "The Brain Center at Whipple's", which might have been a leftover set piece from Forbidden Planet. I'll have to check that movie out, I love stuff like that

  4. Greg Cooper says:

    And another negative Nancy article. Man. You really need to take a vacation or something. Your posts are extremely negative ALL THE TIME.

    On a side note, you waited until June 10 to write about Google Glass? Um, they've been out for a long time now. Way to stay current.

  5. Rufus says:

    You know how stupid people look with those phones stuck in their ears? Well, Google Glass looks stupider, and I can't wait to see more "on the go" morons walking down the street wearing these dumb specs acting like they don't notice everyone around them looking. Sure, Google wishes that Google Glass is the logical extension of where we're headed, but I believe it will instead be remembered as "the embarrassment that was Google Glass."

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