Citing grammatical incorrectness, Yahoo! announced this week that they are "finally fixing the gross misspelling" in the name of social blog website Tumblr, which was acquired today for 1.1 billion dollars.
"We hope this first step puts young peoples' fears to rest that we will change Tumblr into something uncool. I mean, what's cooler than proper spelling? Am I right guys??" Mayer then high-fived a colleague and sashayed off stage.
The recent purchase of Tumblr has come under heavy criticism, particularly from Tumblr users who fear Yahoo! will impose standards and guidelines for content which will make it cleaner and more family friendly.
"Marisa and the management of Yahoo! just want everyone to know that we will work hard to keep Tumblr the cool and fun place people love" Yahoo! spokesperson Mark Stickupas proclaimed.
"I mean, yes, there will be a few new standards and rules enforced, particular about profanity, pornography, racism, sexism, crass humor, inappropriate memes, immaturity, violence, nudity, tasteless GIFs, copyright, disturbing images, music rights, religious sensitivity, homophobia, and cruelty, but other than that, we aren't changing anything. None of that stuff is cool anyway, am I right guys?"
Stickupas then attempted a badly improvised Gangnam Style dance move as he exited the press area.
This business decision only reinforces just how remarkably in touch Yahoo! is with actual people who use the internet. Recently they announced several sexy and bold new initiatives including a partnership with Conde Nast, a partnership with CNBC, and a partnership with WWE.
"It's clear to us that the reason our company is failing is because we don't have enough partnerships." Yahoo! COO Jerry Borstein stated.
"Anyone can just invent something brand new that people love like Google Earth, Google+, and YouTube, but the real leaders of the future will be the ones who announce lukewarm partnerships and bland acquisitions. Yahoo! feels that actually creating something new and innovative is not something people would really be interested in. Internet users are interested in partnerships. Lots and lots of partnerships. Partnerships are cool, am I right guys?"
Borstein then slipped on a pair of brightly colored sunglasses as he attempted to exit the press room in mid-electric slide.