On February 26, Yahoo!'s new CEO Marissa Mayer announced a bold new decision to help turn around the failing company. She instructed employees that they can no longer work from home.
This innovative move shocked and drew high praise from shareholders. The reaction on Wall Street has been increasingly amazing.
"How did we not see it before?" said one Wall Street executive. "All this time we thought Yahoo! was dying because they're a terrible search engine that no one wants to use. But it's so clear to us now that the real issue has been telecommuting."
Yahoo! has been struggling for many years to compete with Google. Experts have traditionally believed it's because Google offers a much better service in every single area.
However, with the market's reaction in the subsequent two weeks since Mayer's decision, she has once again proved why she is a business titan unlike any other. Yahoo!'s stock price has already risen an unprecedented $1.90 since the groundbreaking announcement.
The reaction from internet users has also been astounding.
"I use Yahoo! much more now," remarked Tyler Hammond, a 26 year old Los Angeles resident. "Knowing that they are working from an office adds a lot of comfort for me. It just, I dunno, feels right."
"I used to be a Google lover," said one western Cleveland resident. "However, when I found out that Google lets their employees work from home, I was outraged. I would rather use a sub-par search engine, hackable email service, and an ad cluttered homepage that at least understands the value of an office environment than one that doesn't."
Sources say that the reaction from Google headquarters has been increasingly uneasy. Employees are reportedly seen interacting with their telecommuting colleagues on strange devices called "webcams," and "smartphones." The mood is noticeably one of shame and regret.
Yahoo! employees are reportedly loving the new policy.
"It's about time someone did something about all this time I spend with my family," asserted one female Yahoo! employee who chose to remain anonymous. "I have two young kids who can't seem to leave me alone. My work from home days have been very distracting."
When asked if this move signals a lack of trust that management feels toward them, employees responded in overwhelming consensus. As one engineer put it:
"Yahoo! knows they can't trust me. I've been feeling extremely guilty about it. I'm happy that they've taken the necessary steps to keep me in line. Nothing makes me work harder than the vague fear that they think I'm lazy."
Even executives and sources close to Mayer have reported a personal elation with the creative new policy.
"I'm extremely encouraged that we finally have a CEO who understands that we all want to dedicate 100% of our lives to Yahoo!" an unnamed SVP remarked. "I suspect that this move will skyrocket moral and productivity. It's a real feeling of an 'elephant in the room' finally being talked about."
Following in Yahoo!'s footsteps, Best Buy has announced that they are also canceling work from home. The validation from this highly profitable and in no way failing electronics retailer is welcome news at Yahoo!.
Mayer's juggernaut of company saving ideas does not stop here. Sources have reported a whole list of innovative new policies in the works which will be announced in the coming weeks. These reportedly include 15 minute lunchtimes, a "use it or lose it" bathroom break protocol, and a 7am to 10pm workday.
"Marissa loves Yahoo! and her employees," a close friend of the CEO explained. "That's really what this is all about. She loves them so much that she just wants to be able to see them everyday. Marissa is very lonely."